The Beauty of existence

Ever thought about total nothingness? Like absolutely nothing. Not only no phone, no commodities no food, drink, alcohol, people, trees, and whatsoever? Just utter nothingness?

It is weird concept now, is it? Just to imagine nothingness is just bluntly absurd. So, while nothingness in itself obviously is a concept to be thought, the thought of thinking nothingness is outrightly again absurd. In my imagination there are two ways to go about this absurd thinking of nothingness.

The first would be a subtracting way. Say, for a thought experiment, you would imagine everything you can at that point. Imagine you are sitting in the middle of a nice garden in the centre of Vienna. There is sun around you, that you can not only see but rather also feel. You are sitting on a bench surrounded by magnificent roses of all colours accompanied by some friends. You are talking to them about, let us say, the magnificence of said roses while sitting on an old bench. While you are talking with your friends, you see people going about their lives and pigeons crossing the paths between the flowers. Now slowly start to erase that image.

First the pigeons, secondly the people, friends, roses, sun, light, the bench and lastly yourself. What you are left with cannot rightfully be an image of nothingness. It would, in my understanding, rather be the image of what is missing. A negative statement manifested into the form of a mental picture. By describing what you see (or rather not see) you would state what'd be missing rather than explaining what is there: nothing. So that way of going about explaining a proper image of nothingness would be unsatisfactory as it is, by its own factors, not a picture of nothingness.

The second way of thinking nothingness would be by starting with nothing. Like proper nothing. A thought that - at least to the extent of my mental capacity - is not only somewhat frightening but also impossible. It would be like saying " don't, at any point in our conversation, imagine a pink elephant standing on a blue platform". So, yes that might be possible since some people would just imagine a normal coloured elephant standing on top of a green platform. But, alas, no picture of nothingness to be found here.

There might be another way to go about thinking, or rather imagining, nothingness. As a child I was told that the universe is limited. At least while expanding there could be a scenario thinkable that would state clearly: the universe is now 1.2 units wide and a little moment later that same universe would be 1.3 units wide (staying with the theory of a still expanding universe rather than a regressing one (at least for now)). So how do you go about thinking something like that as a child that just had its first correlation with an ever-expanding continuum of something not even remotely understandable? Well for starters you think about marmalade. Well, that's at least what I did. I watched marmalade being poured into a glass, ever expanding in said glass. So, concerning the glass, the marmalade would fill a point x in time 1.2 units of the glass and at point y in time 1.3 units of the same glass. Well, how do is get back from marmalade to the infinitude (or finitude?) of nothingness? Easy: what else is in that glass? Or rather: confined in the space given by the glass there is something that the marmalade can fill up.

Obviously, that isn't the gnawing void of nothingness, the ever absorbing abyss of what isn't there or even the absurd contrast to existence in itself but rather just air. But let there be the statement of: something other than marmalade is in that glass. Going back to the universe. If, and only if, you would be stating that the universe equals the collection of all things that are, could be, aren't and couldn't be, the universe could include basically everything. So, what is that universe expanding into? The logical answer, at least for child-me would be: nothingness. So, the third way of thinking about nothingness would not be to erase everything from a picture or to start by stating nothing than rather thinking beyond everything there is. Well, if that is not an easy task to do I don't know what is.

While child-me was concerned with the possibility to think or even imagine nothingness, grown-up me (well or what feels like grown-up me) is concerned with another question: Do I want to be able to think nothingness? And I do not know about that one. Sincerely there could be an appealing idea that pops to my mind: if I can think nothingness I could conclude the idea of everything. Now that is something! Or rather everything... But I feel fearful by the thought of nothingness. Proper utter nothing. If you do not see where I'm getting at let's take those steps together into the abyss. Imagine there is nothing surrounding you, you would still have everything because you have yourself. While not surrounded by material things you would still feel your heartbeat, the sensation of your skin if you'd clap your hands, maybe even that little backache you are carrying around for some weeks. There would be sensation to some extent. Now erase that too. A floating mind in a state where nothing is seen, felt, smelt, tasted, or heard. There would still be the sensation of your thought pounding away and resonating in your mind. Maybe it would go that far that'd simulate sensation through experienced you'd encounter some while ago like that beautiful sun on your skin, or the magnificence of roses or that great talk you'd had with your friends. But what is when that mind is also gone? Not like gone away but totally gone. You would be left with nothing. You would maybe be existing but without resonance either in yourself or in objects/subjects surrounding you. Isn't that an immensely frightening idea? And even to think about that, wouldn't that be again immensely frightening?

To me it is. But, as nearly everything there is to be thought upon, there is also beauty in it. Because once you tasted the thought about nothingness you can interrupt your discussion about the magnificence of the roses surrounding you and can thoroughly enjoy it. Take it in, feel the sun on your skin, taste the air thick with last night's rain, hear your friends continuing your discussion, smell the roses surrounding you and see the beauty of existence presenting itself to you. And know you are part of exactly that beautiful real existence that is as well experienced by you as it is inside as it is you.

Peace.